Attacking bad ideas instead of bad people is how bad people become good people.

There are things which aren’t your fault but which are your responsibility, and there are things which are your fault but which aren’t your responsibility. These may be the exceptions, but allowing for them is useful in correcting corrosive irresponsibility and destructive fault-finding, both in others and yourself.

• Reader response: So that I have a better understanding of what you’re talking about, can you give me an example or two?

• My response: Sure. Here’s a simple one. I started a new job recently. The problems I inherited aren’t my fault, but many of them are my responsibility. Similarly, I left my previous job. Some of the problems there are my fault, but they are no longer my responsibility.

• My additional response: The overall point is to detach fault and responsibility from one another. Sometimes they go together. Sometimes they don’t. I think we have a natural tendency to fuse them in several cases where they are in fact separate.

Most people who value “you” actually value your usefulness to THEM. Someone who truly values YOU values YOUR wants, needs, hopes, satisfaction, happiness, etc. This is an important distinction to make when choosing who to allow into your circle of trust and friendship, and where to invest your affection and energy. Unfortunately, making this distinction in the real world, and acting on it, are far more difficult than reading or writing this simple rhetoric.

Holding hands has pros and cons. Not holding hands has pros and cons. But holding out an unclasped hand is just exhausting.

This is useful to know. I’d still advocate not picking your nose publicly out of consideration for others, however. Nobody wants to watch you eat your snot. Some time ago I started teaching my kids that it’s in the same category as masturbation. Nothing to be ashamed of. Not harmful. Certainly not “bad”. But something to keep private from people who don’t want to watch.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/05/05/eating-bogies-good-teeth-overall-health-scientists-conclude/