Here’s something I find helpful.
If someone indicates to you that they are suffering, it’s a pretty safe bet that they are actually suffering.
Sure. Keep all of your judgements (ideally to yourself).
“She creates her own suffering.”
“If only he’d do this or understood that.”
“He’s terrible and deserves it!”
But when you’re through, take a moment to consider that they are, in fact, suffering, and what that must feel like for them.