People want free things badly enough that they will pay money for them. They also like saving money, and they will hand over large sums of money to do so.

Here’s a helpful observation for parents, or rather suggestion to make observations, from Brene Brown’s book: Daring Greatly. I find it important to ask myself these sorts of questions without moral judgments or self-shaming, but rather as self-checks to ensure my behaviors and teachings line up with my values.

“As parents, we help our children develop shame resilience and worthiness by staying very mindful about the prerequisites that we’re knowingly or unknowingly handing down to them. Are we sending them overt or covert messages about what makes them more and less lovable? Or are we focusing on behaviors that need to change and making it clear that their essential worthiness is not on the table? I often tell parents that some of the most destructive covert messages that we send our children stem from the feminine and masculine norms . . . Are we overtly or covertly telling our daughters that thin, nice, and modest are prerequisites for worthiness? Are we teaching our girls to respect boys as tender and loving beings? Are we sending messages to our sons that we expect them to be emotionally stoic, to put money and status first, and to be aggressive? Are we teaching our sons to respect women and girls as smart and capable people, not objects?”

I’m reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. This observation from a section on “cover-up cultures” is quite keen. I think it’s a bit narrow to state that it is always money driving ethics (in these cultures), as I’ve also observed things like power, ego, and fear behind the wheel, but ultimately anything other than ethics driving ethics is, well, unethical.

“When the culture of an organization mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of a system and those in power than it is to protect the basic human dignity of individuals or communities, you can be certain that shame is systemic, money drives ethics, and accountability is dead. This is true in all systems, from corporations, nonprofits, universities, and governments, to churches, schools, families, and sports programs.”

While on my “Winter Wonder Walk” this morning, of all the things to see, I find myself most drawn to these receding edges of overhanging ice. They bring back memories of childhood walks through the cold, mostly to and from school. There was something very satisfying about stepping on these edges and feeling them crack underneath my feet back then. While I did relive that memory with a few of these formations, I also find it very satisfying now to leave them untouched.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10154964660369483&set=a.10153709191789483&type=3

I remember grieving the loss of membership when I was on that side, and I still find that grief a meaningful expression of love from this side. In fact, it’s surprising to me that it isn’t felt far more universally.

This article is a great representation of understanding and loving outreach. This part was especially generous:

“Twenty-five years ago, I was bishop. A single man, returned missionary, came in to say he was gay. My clueless counsel was to ‘keep coming’. My clueless action was to take none. Every Sunday, I watched for him. Any Sunday I saw him, my heart melted with joy and relief. He’s still here! For twenty-five years he managed to stay. November came. Now, he’s gone.”

https://invisiblescubit.com/2016/06/01/372/

I was reminded recently of the concept of “possibilianism.” This article is a great representation of my own observations on the new not-new idea.

https://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/eagleman-vs-harris-a-big-fizzle/

I especially liked this part:

“I found the video irritating and a bit smug, as if Eagleman were saying, ‘I’m better than both ends of the belief spectrum.’ If he can’t dismiss the idea of God, than neither can he dismiss the ideas of fairies, leprechauns, and fire-breathing dragons whose habitat has simply remained elusive. So possibilianism turns our brains into big Halloween bags full of appealing but unhealthy notions.”

I also like this quote from Sam Harris:

“[referring to scriptural books] each is barren of scientific insights and bursting with logical, factual, and moral errors. You know this to be true—you say as much in your talk—and yet this knowledge constitutes nothing more, nor less, than atheism”

Ridiculous ideas should be eligible for ridicule, including my own! Ridiculous people, however, should be treated with compassion, because that includes all of us.

Love the sinner. Make jokes about the concept of sin.

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fprogressivesecularhumanist%2Fposts%2F1313196488707960%3A0&width=500

I once held the belief that some day I would be redeemed for all of my suffering. Though I abandoned that belief many years ago, I am only recently observing how that had the psychological effect of making me into a masochist and an eager victim, seeking out suffering and stockpiling chips in order to cash them in one day for a big prize. It’s a difficult thing to overcome.

My response to those in denial (see Facebook thread linked below):

Here’s a sampling for anyone unfamiliar with the beliefs to which I refer:
https://www.lds.org/…/2010-07-082-afflictions-can-be…
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/17.11?lang=eng#10
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.6-8…
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/hel/12.3-23?lang=eng#2
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/23.21-22…
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/38.3?lang=eng#2
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/5.10-11?lang=eng#9
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.6…
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/32.43?lang=eng#42
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/118.3…
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-cor/1.6-7?lang=eng#5
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/26.28-35…
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-tim/3.12?lang=eng#11
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/122.7…
I may have misinterpreted some of them, but not all of them.

In a mindfulness group discussion today we talked about the ideas of faith and doubt from a secular Buddhist approach. Growing up, I was taught that faith is good and doubt is bad. The new perspective is that neither is good nor bad, and that both can have helpful or harmful applications. My observation is that the following is the most significant reversal many of us can make with regard to faith and doubt:

Instead of having faith in your beliefs and doubt in yourself, doubt your beliefs and have faith in yourself.

“For the unaffiliated, honesty tops the list, with about 58 percent of the nones saying that ‘being honest at all times’ was essential to being a moral person.”

While I do love eating babies, ’twas first and foremost a desire for honesty which led me astray.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/religiously-unaffiliated-morality_n_57164a51e4b0018f9cbb1c7a