Three people want to understand you. They are eager and interested, and they ask many questions. The questions are very similar, and the experiences feel equally flattering.

What’s hard to see from your position, however, is that each is actually doing something very different.

The first is trying to find out what you think about them. They are self-absorbed and have a hard time caring about others. They are insecure and want to control their image.

The second is trying to find out what’s wrong with you. They are distrustful and judgemental. They are looking for ammunition to validate their condemnation of you.

Only the third matches what you thought all three were doing. They are curious and want to connect with you. They want to make sense of you and to justify you as you are.

What’s especially confusing though is that they aren’t three people, but rather three competing agendas within most anyone who asks you questions about yourself.